Day 1 is No Joke...

Day 1 is miserable. I'm not going to lie. I've been suffering from horrendous insomnia for the past couple months so I'm living off of 2 hours of sleep. Woke up from my "nap" at the crack of dawn to get to work. Breakfast isn't as tough for me because as most unhealthy young adults, I find no temptation or interest in breakfast food (unless I've been on an all night drinking binge and it's 3 o'clock in the morning, of course). But let me tell you about WORK!!! Okay, the truth is I really can't because of HIPAA -for those non-med career oriented people (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act)- but it's INTENSIVE and takes a lot of CARE. If you catch my drift ;-). Also note that I by no means am I doctor and even though I am putting myself through school to eventually become Dr. Lisa.
Okay!Steering away from my tangent! Lunch was a bit easier and practical than it usually is. The lunch routine norm is hunting down what I want to "order in" or "run out really quick to pick up". Isn't it insane how the most unhealthy food is always within walking distance of Hospitals? Anyone else agree? Anyhow, today I had a big juicy apple as a snack between, a sliced cucumber mixed with jicama and lemon juice for lunch. Yum, yum, yum, and might I add very filling! Then the dark period.... our Drug Reps always come in with candy and goodies towards the end of my shift. Grrr!! I leave work only to come home to my wonderful Fiancée chompin' on a big tasty burger from Braums, even greater. At this point I'm sleep deprived, ran ragged at work, withdrawing from starch, meat, and cheese and overall very pissy.

Day 1 is no joke. It's reality slapping me in the face and forcing me to come to terms with the fact that I've always had some sort of addiction to food. Before it was not eating it and now I can't get enough. I need to find serenity not only with food but within my life and this is my first step. I'm worn down, bitchy (excuse my french), and nervous but definitely ready.

It's 12:49AM

I have to be awake in 5 hours to get ready for work. I just watch a mind blowing documentary that confirmed everything I've ready for the past year or so but have been terrified to do. I'm doing this. No excuses left. Me weighing this much is just as dangerous and when I weighed 82 pounds. This isn't the life I pictured living.